Friday, April 12, 2013


Do you know what these are? If you answer something like "raggedy old dandelions" you'd be correct, but you also couldn't be more wrong.
These are the most precious flowers a mom could receive. They are the unprompted gift brought home from a walk. Gripped tightly in a two year old fist and deposited with a flourish into her lap. "I brought you pretty flowers, mommy." he would say with a smile. She'd smell the flowers and make a fuss over them, because let's face it, they're a big deal. These are a completely unselfish gesture by a selfish little being. They are love, kindness, and generosity. They are thoughtfulness. They are maturity, and a sign that my baby isn't such a baby anymore. They are a tiny peek into the man that this little boy will become. They are happiness, and more precious to me than all the roses, dahlias, lillies, hydrangea, daffodils and peonies. They came from him, and he makes me proud to be a mommy.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

THAT mom

Today, Owen picked out his own clothes. He looked....well ridiculous. Especially until the size 5 swim trunks he chose to wear for the day fell off. Then he just looked a little crazy. I let him be him. He wore his 'frog jammies' and frog boots, and the brown striped polo shirt. He sure did splash in the freezing puddle in the parking lot. He had a great time. And he was proud of himself for getting dressed my self. He's growing up, becoming independent and making choices. It's bittersweet. It's amazing to see his little personality develop. He can be the most shy child ever and then with a blink turn into the most outgoing. He loves elderly people and they love him. People always say he's going to be a heart-breaker, and I don't think so. He is a beautiful child, but he also has a kind personality. I hope and pray that he remains kind and calm.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013


It's nearly one am. My post run high is coming to a rash and I have completed my nightly routine. Everyone is sleeping and there is a sweet baby girl lying next to me with her little arm outstretched and resting on mine. It's like she has to be touching me to sleep. This evening while I was making dinner I had Emilia on my back in the Beco. She kept rubbing my side with her tiny hand and the sweetness of the gesture nearly made me weep.

So my confession. I like to watch my boys sleep. And girl. I'm still working on retraining my brain to say children or kids instead of boys. After Owen has come out of his room approximately 94,562 times for various necessities, and after Julian has closed his latest book, turned off his book light and shoved them both haphazardly under his pillow, and when Gabe has perfectly arranged his assortment of puppies, had his nightly snack (string cheese) and filled his water bottle, I like to sneak into their room. I like to peer into the darkness and witness how they're sleeping. Gabe never has blankets. Never. Julian is a snuggler. He usually cons his way into Gabe's bed, Gabe into his bed, or crashes and hogs Owen's toddler bed. Owen is usually half on half off his bed. He might have blankets on him and he ALWAYS has at least 4 OBV tickety bu blankets at all times. I like to imagine what they're dreaming of. I like to push their hair back and kiss their foreheads softly, careful not to wake them.

All too soon they will be grown and gone from their bunk-beds. Serving missions if they choose, getting married, having children of their own. I want to remember the little things. I want to remember how Gabriel sleeps with his face pressed into the pillow and his mouth wide open. I want to know that Julian grinds his teeth when he is dreaming. I need to remember that Owen? He gets that drooling habit from his mama.

My confession is this. Even on my worst day, I am here. I am where I belong. This is MY family, forever. I love them. They make me crazy. I make them crazy. They make me laugh. They make me proud. They help to keep me here and now. Present. And they make me want to do better, try harder, BE better.

So tonight, Owen had one of my random vampire diaries books hidden between his mattress and the crib. Julian slept alone, snuggling his guinea pig stuffed animal, Patches. Gabe? No blanket. Duh. Asleep completely across his entire bed. Bed hog to the max.

Monday, April 8, 2013

Design inspired

You know how sometimes you live somewhere and despite your best efforts it doesn't do it for you? That's my bedroom. I love the pieces that make up my bedroom so much, individually. My appletini bed bakes me swoon. I simply adore the girly ikea lampshades. And I love the functionality of our ikea dresser and nightstands. My DIY art makes me proud and feel frugal but instead of feeling like one cohesive space it feels random and jumbled. Until now.
I was given a desk and with the prospect of this desk I have been inspired to finish my bedroom. I'll be like a real like grown up not some messy teenager.
The desk is a work in progress but I promise you it will be awesome. And perfect. And so much better than the janky ikea wannabe desk we got at target last summer. I have big plans for that desk And my bedroom.

For your viewing pleasure the knobs that started it all: anthropologie.