Sunday, June 30, 2013

Locks of Love

So I did it. I cut it off. It has been nearly a week now and I can honestly say I'm loving my shorter hair. It's not SHORT by most standards but compared to my long locks of yesterday it's quite a change. My hair feels so amazing and healthy. I keep touching it, even a week later. I was terrified that I would have to DO my hair more, and 'ain't nobody got time for that' especially with about a thousand kids running around in the mornings. I've been pleasantly surprised at how little doing it has taken.

I know, I know you're probably dying for an after picture, ha. Unless you're on my facebook friends' list, then you've already seen it. I'm really proud of donating to locks of love. I feel like I did something good for ME, got out of my shell, my comfort zone and in the meantime did something great for someone in need.

If you're unsure of Locks of Love and what it is they do, read here! It's a great organization. And for the record, they DO accept colored or permed hair. And they take grey hair as well! (which is a good thing for some

Locks of Love

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Boc boc boc

That is me. I'm chickening out. I'm getting scared. I realized today how little I do to my hair on the day to day and I'm afraid that if I cut it, I'll have to DO it.

This is my hair, today. I didn't do anything to it, not even brushed it. I pinned my bangs back because they're too long to pull forward but not long enough to actually stay back by themselves.

If I cut my hair to look like the amazing Jennifer Aniston will I have that luxury?

I'm not saying I'm not going to do it. I'm just saying I'm scared! Help! Will I have to do my hair?

Monday, June 17, 2013


In one week, I have a hair appointment. I have a decision to make. Be safe and just cut a few inches off the bottom and call it good?  Be daring and cut it short and sassy and donate it to Locks of Love? Locks of Love requires at least 10". That will force me to cut my hair mighty short (comparatively). I found a cut I adore. But I'm just not sure that its going to look good on me. I feel like my hair is the only thing I've got going for me and that I'd be a fool to cut it. And then the other part of me thinks that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard and that it is ridiculous to be defined by one thing. Plus it's just hair right? It'll grow back. 
I'm leaving the decision to you. My blog reader. The one of you that actually reads my drivel.  My hair is long right now. It goes to my belly button. The top of my jeans. It is long. I feel like a mini crystal gale. 
Look at the top of my blog and add 2" to my hair length and that's what we are dealing with. 

So you tell me. Safe road? Keep it long and just trim off the dead ends? 

Or sassy road 
I just LOVE Jennifer Aniston. She has THE best hair. I don't know how many times I've used her as my hair inspo. This hair cut is so cute and so fresh. But I'm afraid. I'm afraid it looks a little like a "Mom" hair cut. Now I know, I know. I *am* in fact a mom. I don't want to look like a mom though, not like "oh you just had a baby let's chop our hair short" kinda mom. So to cut or not to cut. That is the question. And you have the answer. Leave me an answer! Tell me what to do!

Wednesday, June 12, 2013


What do you do when you have everything, and I mean everything that you've ever wanted in life. And you're doing the thing that you've had every desire to do for as long as you can remember? For me that's motherhood. It's all I've ever wanted. I never had huge ambitions or the desire for further education. I wanted babies and to be a mom. Somedays, it is wonderful. Somedays I feel like I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. Somedays I feel like I might even be doing a decent job. It's the days when my kids are nice and respectful and kind. They listen to things that I ask them to do. They don't talk back, they might even eat their dinners. Those days I feel like I'm doing it right. The problem with those days is that they are few. And they are very far between. Most days I feel like I am doing absolutely nothing right. I feel like my kids could do so much better and that I did nothing to deserve them. (Really, that's true. I don't deserve them.) I feel like a failure. A big ol' fat loser. I'm the grumpy mom that says no. I'm the mean mom that I hate. I hate the mom that I am. I hate the wife that I am. I hate how I can hardly keep up with the bare minimums around my house. I am not good at the one thing I've ever wanted and it hurts. So bad. I try to remind myself that tomorrow's another day. And oh you will do better tomorrow, but if history is any indicator....the outlook is not so good. This stage of my life will be over before I know it, and I don't want to live with constant regret. I want to be the fun and kind mom, but I'm finding that's just not me. I'm a crappy mean mom. I'm a crappy house-keeper and grumpy wife. I feel like I'm still trying to keep all of these balls up in the air and failing. I drop one and I drop them all. To think I had the same issues almost 4 years ago and 2 less kids. I'll buckle down and power through. I do. I just, well, I just wish I was better at the one thing I've always wanted. The one desire of my heart. I wish that love was enough. I wish I could love myself into being a better mom. I wish it were simple.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Looking temptation square in the eyes

It's been a while  since I had a diet Pepsi. After five long years of being addicted I've finally broken the cycle. 
Barry has been really supportive and won't drink it around me. It's made it a ton easier to avoid it. I've been soda free for like 10 weeks now? Something like that. 
Today we were at Costco a they recently changed over from diet coke to Pepsi products. It was so hard to avoid it. I didn't. Despite the bubbly goodness that was located at my very table. I did it. I didn't drink any.