Friday, January 30, 2009

Anxiety, why do you plague me?

So, have you ever had a day that you just felt insanely anxious? Like no matter what you did, you just had this feeling, this anxious feeling? Yeah, that was yesterday. Hindsight (with it being 20/20 and all) shows me that because we were running late all morning, and almost late to school, and had to scrape the windshield, and bring snack time, and sharing time, and, and, and, that's what caused my anxiety.
Wednesday morning, my eyes popped open at 3:38 am. And I was stuck. I knew that I wouldn't be able to fall asleep, and I had a lot of 'work' I needed to do in order to stock my shop on Cong-Fu. I decided to get up, and work, instead of attempt to fall back to sleep for 2 hours before my darling boys woke up. So I did everything I needed to do with Cong-Fu and then the boys woke up. And I'm pretty sure they didn't nap. (I can't really remember though, because my lack of sleep makes the whole day blurry.) Anyway, there is a point to this story. Thursday morning, the boys, amazingly enough, slept until 8:00!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! While in most ways, it was absolutely fabulous, that puts us approximately one hour behind schedule, on a school day! So I had to drag Julian, literally, kicking and screaming, downstairs to get dressed and shoveled in a quick breakfast!
He does this new thing, he doesn't want to go anywhere? I'm so confused, but it's such a battle to literally wrestle him dressed! He had snack time at school, so I had to cut up the bananas, and get the string cheese ready to go. So I finally bundle everyone up in their parkas, and then head to the car. And my windshield was alllll icy! So I had to scrape after putting my monsters into their carseats.
Amazingly, we were not late to preschool, and Julian was able to share his snack and his monkey "Henry" so the day was a success. But I couldn't shake the feeling of dread.

Today is a better day. I feel encouraged, rather than discouraged (Angela, what is the opposite of discouraged?!:))

Some cutie cute pictures:

Gabriel this morning, after breakfast, I'm afraid. Excuse the bananas

Julian fell asleep, sitting up, with his mouth open like that?!

My cheesy Valentine

And an action shot of G walking!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Oh sweet Julian.

He woke up this morning, and was obviously dreaming of Barney, Baby Bop and BJ. He just now grabbed his binoculars, and cell phone. His cell phone "rang" and he picked it up, "Oh hi Barney. Yeah we will pick you up in a minute."

"Mommy, we have to go pick up Barney, Baby Bop and BJ, and go to Barney's Zoo."


Tuesday, January 27, 2009


My friend Debbi had this on her blog babymaker
Apparently, ME

+ Rob Pattinson

= THIS?!?!?!?!

Ok, so using different pictures of me! resulted in a cuter baby!

Monday, January 26, 2009


...what is cuter than an almost 3 year old in BIG BOY UNDIES? I'm so proud of Julian! He is an amazing inspiration to me! Now, I'm not talking inspiration like, "YES! Now I know it's ok to pee on the potty." I've been potty learned for quite a few years now, and, aside from a few minor accidents after having babies, have a pretty good track record! Seriously, an inspiration in that, there is no reason to push him to be bigger than he is. I never understood mom's that said, "When he's ready, he will be ready." It never made sense to me. NOW, now it is clear! He hasn't had an accident since last Tuesday, and it was totally my fault! (I'm a believer that most 'accidents' are not the child's fault at all, but the parents! HA) It's amazing. And having only one in diapers is nice too! But what am I going to do with all of these PullUps we have left?!

Here is Julian with the love of his life, Brooklyn. She is also his inspiration for PLing!

As I approach my baby's birthday, I am reflecting. This past year has brought with it SO much change. 2009 has proven to be a better year than 2008 thus far. Nobody that I know and love has died, and it's been almost a full month! I've experienced some weather that I never knew was possible {read: -26 degree weather} and have learned some new skills that will prove helpful later in life {read: driving in snow!} Especially my children have changed SO much. Julian went from a little kid, even on his 2nd birthday he was still so much a baby. Gabriel went from a fetus to a toddler! How does that happen?! I feel so blessed to be the mother of my two boys. They are incredible and oh so funny! Pretty soon, Gabriel is going to be paying back Julian for all the pushes he's endured this past 11 months!

Julian is recently obsessed with a new show. Now I don't know how this obsession came about, or how we ended up watching it that fateful day, but alas, he's obsessed. He adores all that is SpongeBob SquarePants. Now I'll be honest. I like the guy. He's nice, he's funny, and he's such a cheery yellow! BUT it's a really, really weird show! I honestly think Julian prefers Patrick over SpongeBob, but whatever! I bought him some SpongeBob undies, and he thinks he's a pretty big man! HA!

Friday, January 23, 2009

So proud of Julian

So I know that a while ago, I posted about our potty learning woes and successes. Before we went to Washington for Christmas Julian was probably 70% PL'd (Potty Learned.) When we got to Washington, and on the airplanes, I kind of pushed it to the side. I didn't really want to worry about it while I was dealing with everything else, and I didn't want to bring Julian to the bathroom ever 5 seconds on the plane. What would I have done with Gabriel. Well, on Sunday, Julian's girlfriend, Brooklyn, came over. She's a few months younger than Julian, and POTTY LEARNED! Julian saw Brooklyn go potty on the toilet and decided that he wanted to also. And it's been since Sunday and he's only had 2 accidents! Both were totally my fault! I'm so excited to have only one in diapers! It's crazy that it happened so quickly! He even wakes up dry, and pees in public restrooms! (Only the one at DMU!)

Also, I've been postponing blogging because, this is so silly and embarrassing, but this is my 100th post! I know that the 100th post is supposed to be some big hurrah, and potty learning doesn't really follow that! HA! I will do one of those fun surveyish things, eventually!

Gabriel is hilarious. He is so funny! And I think that he's learning some words. It's crazy, because I can't remember anything about when Julian started talking. I would SWEAR that Gabriel says "Thank You" "Brother" and "Poley" is that possible?! All of you Babyzoners that read this, when do they talk!?!? How did I forget this? I love Gabriel's 8 little teeth, and his funny little laugh. Today I was laughing at something my friend Barb said, and Gabriel was walking around, fake laughing, "heh heh heh" and then just walked off to play.

I've been doing a lot of knitting! I finished Heather's longies! I'll post them on the blog once I've finished sewing the star on the booty! They are SO cute! I'm almost tempted to knit Gabriel a matching pair, buuuut, for him, I need to get cracking on his first birthday longies! Can you believe he's almost 1!? I know that I can't. And Julian is almost 3! I'm excited to spend Julian's 3rd birthday in Washington! That will be so fun! (Thank you Heather!)

Well I need to get to knitting and then clean up my living room! Brooklyn & Aubrey are coming over to play for a little while!

Monday, January 19, 2009

Major Update!

So it's been a while since I've blogged. I didn't even get to blog about the trip home from Washington! OY!

I will say this. Gabe, walks! Seriously. Here is photographic evidence.

PS This is what it looks like when I do laundry....I don't remember putting that boy in the laundry?!

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

A few things...

1. My hats are stocking at a fabulous online store!


2. Thank you so much to those that emailed, called, or left comments on facebook or my blog! <3 you all. Yesterday was hard, but it was easier because of all of you!

3. Thank you to my friends who shared something secret with me. I'm very excited.

4. Read this story. Made me cry.

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response,
the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone
and ask me a question.

Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'

Obviously, not.

No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor,
or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me
at all.

I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands,
nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a
clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer,
'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around
5:30, please.'

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the
eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated sum a cum laude
- but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be
seen again. She's going; she's going; she is gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of
a friend from England ..

Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on
and on about the hotel she stayed in.

I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so
well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself.

I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a
beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.'

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe.

I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:

'To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are
building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would
discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after
which I could pattern my work:

No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of
their names.

These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.

They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.

The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes
of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the
cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a
tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man,
'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that
will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman
replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place.

It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you,
Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one
around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn
on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile
over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now
what it will become.'

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a
disease that is erasing my life.
It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the
antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As
one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see
finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.

The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could
ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing
to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend
he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4
in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a
turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That
would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him
to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to
his friend, to add, 'you're gonna love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if
we're doing it right.

And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only
at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the
world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Monday, January 5, 2009

In just a few minutes... will be January 6th. To most people, that's not a huge deal. To me, and the majority of my family, it's a day that we won't soon forget. One year ago (in a few hours) my sister-in-law Kristy was shot and killed by her husband. It seems like yesterday that I was at church, teaching my girls, while the Bishop waited outside of my classroom. He knew what had happened, but just told me that I had to go home, now. Something happened in Barry's family. Driving home from church took at most, 5 minutes. During that long drive home, many, many things passed through my head, did Ann get hurt? Maybe she fell and broke her leg? And this. Dave shot Kristy. I quickly dismissed the thought, it was ludicrous. Husbands don't shoot their wives, even if they are separated. When I got home, Barry was upstairs, on our bed. Julian was toddling around. I found Barry face down on our bed, crying. I instantly freaked out, and demanded to know what happened. Barry looked at me, seriously crying, and said, "Dave shot Kristy."
After a stunned silence, I asked, "Is she ok?" He couldn't get any words out, he just shook his head. Not being able to focus on Julian or his safety, and mostly wanting something to do, I brought him downstairs to my mom. I told her what had happened and she started crying, it was then I finally realized that Kristy was dead. It was then I realized not only was Kristy dead, but it was her birthday, and I didn't call to wish her a happy birthday, to talk to her that one last time. I honestly don't remember a lot after that, I do know that I googled, trying to know, trying to gain some insight as to what had happened, if it was true. I found out all too soon, that it was in fact very true. I was shocked to see her mini-van on The mini-van that she was so excited to get, and that I'd ridden in MANY times, from driving in California, to cruising around Milton, and watching movies with the kids. I was shocked to know that my mother-in-law was standing so close to the scene and had to witness something like this happen to her only daughter. I was just shocked. I cried a lot that day and for the coming weeks.

Like I said before, in some ways it seems like just yesterday, and in others it seems like such a long time ago. SO much has happened, mostly for the good. I want to write more, but my little one is crying, and sick. I just wanted to write that I didn't forget this year, and I'll always remember January 6.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Before I forget

Julian today, at the Des Moines Airport, pulled the FIRE ALARM! OH MY GOSH! I was so embarrassed, and he was terrified (which was FINE by me!) He asked me to 'turn it off' haaha! I will blog more about our disastrous New Year's Travels later!

In short, have a great New Year! 2009 HAS to be better than 2008:)