Another day, another failure

I don't know about you, but for me, this is hard. Everything is.
I feel like every day I'm being shown just how much I'm failing. Everytime my kids do the exact opposite of what I've asked, checkmark in the fail column. Everytime Gabe slams Owen down or does something unkind to him another. Daily my fail column is full while my success column remains a blank slate. Every. Day.
I'm questioning my ability to mother. Julian's frequent outburst about whatever is bothering him, my inability to communicate with him, I'm stumbling and struggling. I'm not the mother that I want to be, not even close. Not even a fraction of the mom I want to be, strive to be, yet fail daily to be.
And then I think about this perfect, unscathed baby that we are so blessed to be expecting. Sometimes I hope I stay pregnant for ever, so I don't mess this one up too. I can carry a baby no problem, it's the parenting I fail at.
I will continue trying, it's all I can do. Maybe one day my success column won't be quite so empty and my fail column quite so full. Maybe.

Au Revoir Summer

It's been a good one. We did a lot of fun things, and had fun exploring our new city. The boys have made a bunch of good friends in our cul de sac, and are never lacking a playmate. Well, until today. Today all of those good friends got on the bus and headed to their first day of Kindergarten. (We have 10 kids at our bus stop, and 5 of them are kindergarteners!) Gabe is a little sad. He misses his brother, he misses his friends. He's stuck with Owen. I don't entirely blame him :) My 1st Grader :) Wearing NONE of his new school clothes! LOL

So handsome and big! How did he get so old?

Heart.Breakers.

The crew! (big bus stop, no?)

The bus!

Waiting for his turn

Bye Julian! Have a great first day of 1st grade <3

Ahhh! How do I have a 1st grader already? I'm pretty sure he was just born, like 2 minutes ago! Time flies. And to think in less than three months I'll have another, baby number four! This mama is overwhelmed :)

Two hour glucose

Well it went ok. I didn't feel too barfy, which was a welcome relief. I had the orange drink, which was a little sad, fruit punch is actually good. I brought along a baby sweater to work on while I was waiting for two and a half hours. It's one of my favorite color ways, western sky knits Choco rainbow. It's called the sock yarn sweater and I'm loving it.

I was SO hungry after my appointment. I stopped at jack in the box, lol! Cheesy sourdough jack. Nom. I am feeling weak and dehydrated now and have had a couple contractions, so I'm trying to drink a ton of water.

There was a nice lady in the waiting room who swears I'm having a girl. She was really sweet and had her 8 year old daughter and niece there. Cutest little girls ever!

Glad I didn't get bruised from the blood draws! Woohoo!

Bi weekly?!

Holy Moses y'all! I have reached a monument in pregnancy. The every two week appointment. Tomorrow I'm 28 weeks, officially the third trimester. I have to do the lovely glucose test this week, fun. Hopefully I get fruit punch, and not orange.

So far I've gained more than I'd like, but am trying to control the weight gain during the third trimester. I need to cut out my love for sweets I guess! This pregnancy has been different for sure, in that I only want sweet things. A few other notable differences, complexion, and hair. I usually love my skin during pregnancy, it's clearer than normal and my hair behaves wonderfully. This time is a totally different story. Thankfully my bangs cover my forehead, but nothing covers my chin! And I've contemplated getting my haircut more during this past 28 weeks than I ever have in my life. But seriously how cite is this cut?

Babies heartrate was 153 and everything looks wonderful! I get to drink the wonderful glucola tomorrow. I know you're jealous!

Emotions

Oh boy. Julian is six and a half, or pretty darn close. He is so emotional. SO!

Today was no exception. Barry is working today, something like 7 am until 8 pm or something crazy. Anyway my little sister is here visiting, and we attempted church this morning. Ha.

Considering the fact that I had all three boys, plus me dressed and ready to go by 8:45 I consider that a smashing success. Walking to the car however, all went downhill from there.
Julian lost it because he couldn't put on his shoes. Serious. Melt.down. I got pretty frustrated with him, because instead of asking for help, he flipped out crying. He then freaked out about his carseat, Gabe, and a million other things within the span of two minutes. I made everyone get out of the car so I could talk to Julian. After talking it out, I still couldn't find the root of his tantrum. Why he flipped out to begin with. I tried to explain to him that when Barry is at the hospital I need his help, he can't act like a baby when he is the biggest. Is that wrong?

I feel like most times I expect a lot out of him, he is reasonably mature for a 6 year old, most of the time. And I think I probably forget that he is only 6. How do you talk through emotional outbursts? Help me! Any advice for a short tempered preggo? I want to be a kind mom, who doesn't react, but I'm having trouble.

Pregnancy Dreams

Last night I had a dream. A crazy, super random dream.

I was a surgeon. Hahahahaha! That is funny enough right there. Me? A surgeon! Anyway I was doing a super important surgery and in the middle had to have the baby. I went up to labor and delivery, had the baby, didn't know gender and then walked back down to finish my super important surgery. When I was finished, I walked back up to labor and delivery and asked if I can know what I had a boy or girl. The nurses looked at me like I was totally crazy! Which, really, who would blame them. Who leaves a brand spanking new baby to finish a surgery? I did find out the gender of my surgery baby, though and oh man was that baby sweet!

My question for you is this. Have you had pregnancy gender dreams? Were they accurate? Is my subconscious trying to tell me what I'm having, who is currently living in my comfy uterus? Or is there no correlation at all? Help!

Nesting...so we meet again

So. Today marks 27 weeks, maybe. It could really only be 26 weeks 2 days. But whatever. I might be 27 weeks. Which means that there's only TEN weeks left until this baby could come. I mean, really, I've never gone into labor at 37 weeks, and the likelihood of doing so this time seems slim to none, BUT the mere fact that I could have a baby in 70 days is kinda freaking me out. Yesterday I went to Hobby Lobby and got the ruffle/lace/eyelet thing I wanted for the crib skirt. Then last night I dreamed and dreamed and dreamed of this dang thing. I woke up thinking about it. Apparently it's super important for my subconscious to finish this crib skirt. I'm really excited for the vision in my head, we'll see if I'm able to produce it. I also bought a set of grey organice cotton twin sheets. Julian and Gabe have a twin bunk bed, and I needed one more fabric for a crib sheet for Four. So I'm going to take the flat sheet, which they don't really use, it just ends up either balled at the end of their bed, or on the floor, depending on the boy, and make up the third crib sheet. I really wanted this Chevron Crib Sheet, but after making my own, $19 seems kinda steep. I tried to find a chevron sheet set, ha, but had trouble. Perhaps Target would have more variety, but alas we were at Walmart. Ew. Yesterday, my little sister Connie (who's here visiting for 2 weeks, yay!) and I went through my baby clothes. We separated the nb and 0-3 month clothes and I threw them into the wash. I have a few pieces of girl clothes that I've been hoarding for about 8 years now. HA. I bought some hangers at Walmart, I know, ew, and we'll get them hung up in the baby's closet since the dresser is reserved for cloth diapers. HA. We're going to take the boys swimming at the community pool today. They're excited, and I've forgotten how nice it is to be so light in the water. It's nice to have Connie here because she helps sooo much with the big boys in the water. I'm not sure I could take the three by myself. Anyway, before I go here's a quick comparison shot from yesterday. About the same time in pregnancy, between 26-27 weeks.

AND, in case you missed the earlier post. I have an ExpectNet poll. Winner will receive a fabulous prize. I'm thinking $25 gift card to Amazon or something! Guess Coconut