Thursday, October 10, 2013

Broken & Warmed

Tonight, we found, out that along with countless other families, we will not be getting our Army National Guard stipend.  That's quite a chunk of our regularly scheduled income to just not get. I cried. I stressed. I hid. I felt nauseous as I tried to find a way to come up with the missing money. I contemplated canceling Emilia's birthday. I tried to remain calm in front of my children. I do not want them to ever worry about money or if we would have money to eat. However my facade was crystal clear and they saw right through me. Owen asked me not to cry whilst crying himself. Emilia was a monster today, clearly picking up on my stressful energy. Julian surprised me the most. 
He is a pretty typical kid.  Very much self involved and can be quite selfish. Tonight he showed me the kid his teachers see. The kind and caring one. The generous and sharing one. The kid that I rarely, if ever, see. 
I had gone into the bedroom to be alone and probably cry. Julian asked Barry why I was so upset. Barry explained that we get our Army money from the government. The government is shut down and we won't be getting any money until they get back to work. He told Julian we would have to be very careful with our money that we do have until we are able to get paid again. 
After a short car ride to drop some packages off at the post office and to buy some ice cream (hey don't judge. I eat my feelings sometimes) we came home. Julian went into the bathroom and came back out. He looked at me seriously and said, "Mom, you can knock out my teeth to get some money from the tooth fairy."  I started to bawl. Again. I was so touched and surprised by the complete unselfishness he displayed and his willingness to share. 
After talking it through and figuring out some numbers, we will be ok. My initial reaction was normal and typical but completely irrational. USAA is amazing and is offering loans to people that are being impacted by the government shut down. According to the lady that Barry talked to, the loans will be available to apply for once they have verified the LES. Ours says $0 by the way. That's always an exciting sight to behold. 
Tonight Julian showed me that he gets it. He is a kind and sharing boy. He is growing up before my eyes and I need to recognize his growth. I'm so lucky to have him, even when is is driving me crazy. Like every day. 

3 comments:

Nicole said...

So sweet. Sorry you're going through a rough patch friend. Nothing is quite as stressful as the lack of money.

Nicole said...

So sweet. Sorry you're going through a rough patch friend. Nothing is quite as stressful as the lack of money.

Miss Pink said...

Julian really is the most amazing child. I am glad he was able to be there for you and remind you that you're an amazing mother. I hope that things improve for your financial situation soon. Money stress is the worst.