I don't know about you, but for me, this is hard. Everything is.
I feel like every day I'm being shown just how much I'm failing. Everytime my kids do the exact opposite of what I've asked, checkmark in the fail column. Everytime Gabe slams Owen down or does something unkind to him another. Daily my fail column is full while my success column remains a blank slate. Every. Day.
I'm questioning my ability to mother. Julian's frequent outburst about whatever is bothering him, my inability to communicate with him, I'm stumbling and struggling. I'm not the mother that I want to be, not even close. Not even a fraction of the mom I want to be, strive to be, yet fail daily to be.
And then I think about this perfect, unscathed baby that we are so blessed to be expecting. Sometimes I hope I stay pregnant for ever, so I don't mess this one up too. I can carry a baby no problem, it's the parenting I fail at.
I will continue trying, it's all I can do. Maybe one day my success column won't be quite so empty and my fail column quite so full. Maybe.