So it's Monday (for 4 more minutes at least!) That means that in seven days, we will be getting into the huge Penske truck, or at least Barry will, I will be driving the Explorer, and driving into our future, and the unknown. To say that I'm nervous would put it mildly. To say that I'm excited would be an understatement. To say that I'm scared would be 100% correct. There are so many emotions running through me at any given time. One minute I can be laughing so hard, and the next, crying.
Today, my mom showed me a going away present she bought for Julian. When we went to the zoo last week, she and Julian rode the carousel. There's an episode of Dragon Tales, where Max rides a horse, on the carousel, named Bronco. Julian's been itching to ride a carousel since that episode. So obviously, his horse was called Bronco. My mom rode a dog, I think. It was Julian's first time (that he remembers) riding one. He was so excited, and the look of sheer terror mixed with joy, is a look I'll never forget. Anyway, my mom bought Julian a snow globe. Inside of the snow globe, there is a carousel. Yeah I cried.
I still can't believe that I'm going to be moving SO far away. I am still most definitely in denial. It's going to be way hard to be away from both my family and friends. I go through phases where I'm excited about the prospect of everything being new, and then there's the phases where I feel SUPER guilty about taking my boys away from my parents and Barry's parents. Now logically I know I'm not TAKING THEM AWAY, but I still feel like my parents are going to miss out on so much of their lives, and my boys will miss out on having grandparents so close.
Again, on the drive home from the zoo, my mom and I were talking about grandparents. I don't really remember my biological grandparents. My grandma, Lola, passed away when I was in first grade. She is the grandparent that I remember the most. She was my mom's mom, and lived in the apartment underneath our house. (A mother-in-law apartment) I have very fond memories of Lola, and when/if I ever have a little girl, she will be named after her. Right now her name would be Catherine Lola, but that will likely change between now and the time I ever have a girl, if I ever have a girl. I remember that Lola always had pepsi, which we never had. I would always go downstairs and drink pepsi with her. I remember watching daytime soaps with her, and going to Chinese!
My biological dad's parents I didn't see very much. They lived in Moses Lake. My grandpa was Ernie and my grandma was Phyllis. I remember Grandpa Juergens loved playing cribbage, and Grandma Phyllis loved making quilts, and watching Wheel of Fortune. I always remember Grandpa Juergens wearing the black/white striped overalls, like conductors wear. And I remember when he would pay us a penny a rock, for picking rocks out of the field! Another memory of Grandma Juergens just popped in my head, although my mom and I have been talking about it recently, so I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner. My Grandma Juergens had dentures. I don't know if she always did, but I know she did when I remember back. When I was little, probably like 4 or maybe 5, I got my first cavity. Grandma Juergens told me that since I didn't take care of my teeth, they were all going to rot and fall out, and I would end up with dentures. She then proceeded to click/clack her dentures. I promptly went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth for a good hour straight, hoping to brush away my cavity! The memories I do have of my paternal grandparents are very fond, I just don't have many.
Bob's parents I have the most memories of. They're both still alive, Art and Dixie. However, not married to each other! :)
I remember selling fireworks with Art, and watching Rich's football games. I remember Thanksgiving, and meeting his new wife Sue. For Dixie, the memory that sticks out the most, I made her a corsage in school for Mother's Day. I worked really hard on it, and I think she liked it? I also remember her dog Yanka, and making Italian sodas at Tom's espresso stand.
I really hope that my boys have the opportunity to know and love their grandparents. I think that Julian will because he's 2. He will be able to remember some things. I hope that we are able to come home for residency so that my boys can reconnect with my parents. I think that is what I'm most scared of, them not knowing their grandparents. I know I'm being irrational, we're going to be gone for hopefully only 3 or 4 years. I know that I will be able to fly back, and I am praying that my mom & Bob come for at least one visit!
Wow this blog has gotten out of control long. I will post more tomorrow. Especially since it is technically Tuesday now! :)